Skip to main content

Lawlsauce, Winsauce, and a Bit of D'ohsauce. Mmm.

So as many of you probably know, I've been applying to jobs. This has provided some lulz, some win, and some ironic stress. (quick preview though: I did get a job :))

As I'm a slut for parallelism I'll ignore my preview for the moment and go for the lulz: So my first interview was last Friday. At Hollister. Me. At Hollister. That alone is lulz worthy. But the truly fappable bit comes when we actually examine one or two of the details and make a ridiculously dorky reference out of it.


The manager guy I spoke to, who got me set up with the application, was, I swear to God, made of plastic. I'm not sure whether it was whatever foundation/concealer he was using, the lack of normal shadows on his face from the dim-ass lighting, his terrifyingly wide bright eyes, the tight short afro that looked like it was made of nylon fibers, or just my being disorientated by the loud music, but he looked like one of those black Ken dolls. Seriously. It was the Hollister/Abercrombie stereotype made manifest right in front of me. Otherwise he was a really nice guy. Just, you know, made of plastic.

It, however, got me "worried"--and, of course, thinking of Doctor Who. The joke basically started like this: "Parker, you have to promise to kill me if i turn into one of....Them, ok?". An obscure DW reference quickly formed to supplant that and provide me with even greater amounts of self-amusement: "I'm scared I'm selling my soul to the Nestene Consciousness".

See, the Nestene Consciousness is this mass of psychic energy or some such that tends to inhabit/animate/control plastic--ie, mannequins, dolls, plastic daffoils, inflatable chairs, and trash cans (yes, all of that has really happened). Thus, in imbuing these plastic things with some of its consciousness, it creates among them a sort pseudo hive-like hierarchy.

This reference has made even hardcore Doctor Who nerds cringe/laugh and declare "Oh God; you, sir, are a dork". See, the Nestene usually inhabit anthropomorphic forms--manequinns or replicas of actual people--called "autons". Since autons comprise the vast majority of the Nestene's appearances (in fact, most of their episodes are called "The Something of the Autons", with no mention of Nestene), most viewers likely aren't even aware of the Nestene. So referring to the Nestene is like making a nerdier version of the distinction between Frankenstein and Frankenstein's monster.

But anyway, so yeah. It's a nerdy but appropriate reference to make--Hollister seriously is the Nestene consciousness, dude. It's people are merely possessed plastic replicas--autons--who can't really think for themselves, instead doing exactly as the hive-mind tells them. Laaaawl. That I'd so giddily make so nerdy an analogy only goes to show how bad a fit Hollister is for me.


So anyway--I did get a job; I think it's gonna be pretty ballin' though I'm bit nervous too. I got hired at American Eagle Outfitters--it'll be my first job in retail. I've never had to sell stuff before...I think I'll do well interacting with customers and shit, but I worry whether I'll meet the store's performance expectations for me :/

Still, though, I think it'll be pretty fun as I get the hang of things. Also, it'll work nicely with the waning of my other job; I've got this killer deal with a neighbor where I work in her garden/yard as much as I like whenever I like for $12/hr. Seriously. But as winter approaches the number of things to do for will start to dwindle. Coincidingly, as the holidays approach & I get more experienced, my hours at American Eagle should go up. As one fades, the other takes form. Hott.


So, the D'oh in all this is--what to do about the other jillion jobs I've applied to. I've already got 2 more interviews lined up (Hot Topic today and an administrative assistant gig that was advertised on craigslist). Part of me is considering juggling two jobs--AE and something else--especially what with the apparent fickleness of retail/the shopping season. So if that administrative assistant thing could be parttime, working both would give me something stable and something fun? Right? Cuz I'm hoping to get an apartment by the end of the year--so I need to make, like, at least $400 for my share of the rent and then more for food and stuff....

But I'll be honest: that kinda terrifies me. It's been a while since I've had even one real job, nevermind trying to juggle two. My fears and doubts and perfectionism tell me I can't do it (well enough) and that I shouldn't; my apprehension tells me to hold off until "I'm ready" or some vague unit of measure like that. But the new me--the me I've been working to develop and become more of through working my program and the steps with my sponsor--thinks that a) who knows if I'll even get the other job(s) so it's moot at this point to worry too much, b) I can't know how it'll pan out unless I at least give it a try, and c) the absolute worst that could happen is I get fired or choose to leave one of the jobs to focus on the other--none of the apocalyptic, catastrophic images my fearful mind could conjure up. So basically, whatever the future brings, I can more than likely handle it--better, probably, than I'm giving myself credit for. And until the future takes shape, I needn't worry.

Everything's going to be fine.

Comments

Other things that might interest you...

This moment: A tattoo.

So I read Mrs. Dalloway in high school, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever read. One passage in particular, very early in the book, hit me hard with my first experience of the sublime, and stayed with me—and led at last to my first tattoo.
In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June.  (Emphasis added; full paragraph included below. From the full text of the novel as made available by the University of Adelaide.)

The paragraph this is from, the 4th paragraph of the novel, is the 1st passage with the stream of consciousness the book is famous for; although self-limited here, the flow is no less gorgeous. In the passage, Clarissa is walking on a street to get those famous flowers herse…

A Valentine's Special.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys who's never really been with someone around Valentine's. I am sometimes baffled how other people manage these things--and why I can't. To be fair, it's probably as much my not trying enough and trying too hard as it is anything pariticularly wrong with me. Like, I know I don't get myself out there enough to meet guys and when I do it's probably compensatory and usually flawed from the start.

The other question is--why does it matter so much to me? Evidently it seems like something I want but something I'm scared of, too. It may also be something I'm just not very good at. I'm secretly timid and fearful of most confrontation and directness. For all my communication skills, I always seem to chicken out when it comes to talking to guys in a healthy, sustaining way. I'm a dreamer who wants something nice badly enough to stick to something for the concept of having it more than the reality of dealing with it; I want to…

Rocky Horror - Better than Glee.

You know, I've routinely refused to watch Glee. Like whoa. I've seen bits, it's amusing, but not my thing. Plus how can I be a properly pretentions intellectual fag if I don't look down on & snub snobbily some ragingly popular thing?? It's just not proper decorum, really.

I'm also in a Rocky Horror Picture Show shadowcast (website in progress, but that's us :)). Naturally, they were all excited about that Glee episode when they first heard about it; I on the other hand gave a pained smile and said "Isn't that special. I'm still not watching it."

Part of me's pretty glad I didn't, frankly. (hah! get it? like Tim Curry.)