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Green Means "Go!".

My high school hag used to say that--"Green means 'Go!'!"--and now I say it when I'm on my bike at intersections. It's sort of a declaration to the cosmos that I have some kind of invisible right of way. I also just realized it couldn't get much greener than biking--my carbon footprint is, like, nil or stuff.

All this biking has been a new experience for me. Being able to go farther for freer and timelier too is kinda amazing. My legs and ass have never been finer, either. I'm also losing the pudge I put on over the summer. Naturally, though, as a second hand bike, there have been a few hitches here and there.

It's a lot like sex (but what isn't?): overall fuckin' great but there's always a thing or two--something the other guy does, some habit or oversight, or maybe it's your bad afterall--that just nags at your ability to quite give over. Kinda cuts into the kinky good times, you know? Especially over time; you thought it'd go away but hasn't.

Once you own up to the problem a bit and deal with it, though, you're back fucking like a rockstar. All it takes, apparently, is some lube, talcum powder, and googling.



From almost the beginning, the worst problem was the chafing. Christ, man, that was terrible. My groins were hurtin--I'd have to bike kinda bow-leggedly towards the end there. And standing/walking around all day for my job? Ouch.

This problem was prospectively solved when I acquired a healthy bottle of talcum powder. Mmmm....baby-butt fresh.

Another early problem was sweating. Sicne most of my biking has been for commuting to work, I naturally don't want to be dripping sweat on the salesfloor or be sweat-soaked. That was easy to fix--I wear just my undershirt and pack up the rest; once I get to the mall I cool off a bit if needed then put on the outer layers and look instantly fabulous.

Also, as I've gotten back in shape from biking (and it's gotten colder out), I'm less overheated by the time I reach the mall. Also less out of breath. It's kinda amazing--it's, like, no effort to bike there anymore.

Even though those problems were pretty general and easily resolved, there've been several mechanical issues that've bugged the fuck outta me. Though mostly minor, they've all be a nuisance. And it seemed like I'd resolve one and another'll pop up. Goddamn.

First it was just the chain. It was stiff and didn't like shifting gears. Very sluggish most of the time; sometimes not even changing at all for several several pedals.

I thought I could deal with it until it decided to not only pop off altogether but also get itself wedged between a spoke and the large gear. FML. I had to carry the bike the rest of the way home. Seriously lame, people.

After a great deal of manly brute force between my father and I we got the damn thing unstuck. Only to discover that a) the brakes were out of alignment, b) we'd introduced a wobble to the wheel (yay brute force and bike spokes...), and c) the link that was pinned was now pinched stiff.

Basically one brake was leaning in while the other was in/past? its normal rest position; this meant that one of the brake pads was always/almost engaging the wheel rim, creating friction and basically killing my ability to coast like a rockstar. Which, correspondingly, cut into my sex appeal, obvs. (No, the dorky helmet couldn't possibly have already eliminated my sex appeal. No way.) I also couldn't use the back brake (which I generally favor) as that one pad was already engaging the wheel and couldn't be pulled in any further, so the other would just sit there not connecting at all. Flipping faggotry....

The wobble in itself wasn't too bad, I guess. It, however, was a good six inch patch leaning towards that dicky brake. So the brake went from kinda connecting with the rim the whole way to thoroughly engaging for that half foot of bentness. For all the reasons the brake was already buggin' me, that made it worse. Couldn't coast, had to peddle harder, and of course wearing down the brake pad.

The pinched link was really unnerving. The chain would pop/skip every 4ish pedals. Fucker....

Well, all of these buggerings have been more or less fixed in some capacity. Tolerably so, at least. So, naturally, it's back to good hot sextastic bikin'. Mmm....

One benefit I can't mention enough is the liberation biking's provided. There's all kinda stuff that I'd have been unable to get to or moped & refused to get to if I couldn't get a ride. But now I just bike, either all the way or to a bus or something. It's really great--and a lot easier than I'd have expected :)

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