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Belated resolutions. Pt 1.

So, two days into the new year and finally bothering to work out some resolutions. And ya wanna know why? Because everyone else is doing it.

As I mentioned yesterday, I kind of forgot about New Year' it shouldn't surprise anyone that I didn't do much preparation for this kinda post. You know, note cards of reflections and annals of resolutions, whittling them down to a pristine post of sublime art and form and....yeah. Not happening.

However, I'll still BS what I can in 30 odd minutes and see what happens. Actually I think it should turn out well. Let's find out:

So, since I haven't come up with much for the new year, let's take a minute to reflect on this past one. I've done a good bit of growing up in the last 6 months or so. Here's some of the shit I've learned.

I learned...

...I'm not as much of a fuck up as I'd expected. See, I put off getting a job as long as I did in part because I expected to be such a fuck up--about attendance and performance--that they'd fire me and thus it wasn't even worth applying. God forbid I get fired by Staples!!

As it turns out, not only can I be fairly consistently early to my shifts, but I can be one kickass employee, apparently. And I know it, ya know? Not out of smugness, but just feeling satisfied more often than not with a job well done. It's a nice feeling and it surprised me.

...trying my best goes a long way. See, as you mighta guessed, I often don't think highly of my competence. And even when I don't think I'm simply incapable, generally, I'll often still expect that I'm not not up to task in at least that moment; too tired or unfocused, obviously, to get it done properly. I'll give up before even trying.

But in the last couple months I came up with a new motto for myself--If I try my best, everything's gonna be okay. Something to that effect. It's born out well, actually; it works double duty to encourage me to try to the best of my ability regardless and also to soothe the ambient anxieties I have and too often give in to.

...trying at all goes a long way. This probably goes without saying, but I felt I should mention this lesson, too. I have a long, shameful habit of giving up or avoiding things, often without trying.

I learned, though, that doing something, even only a little, goes much, much farther than doing nothing would have. Besides getting an idea of the task itself and getting closer to completing it, there's also a sense of accomplishment where I'd have otherwise felt useless and pathetic. That means a lot to a self-defeating personality.

Anyway, I said 30 minutes, and I'm sticking to that; I gotta get to work and shit, folks. I was gonna write up some actual resolutions, but I think I'll think on them while I'm out and see what I've come up with by the time I get home.

So, until later, adieu!


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