Skip to main content

One of these days....

So I think I've mostly gotten April outta my system. Esp the bemoaning certain boys over 4 separate posts. Fingers crossed....
One good sign, though, is I wrote a sad poem the other night that had NOTHING to do with that guy I was all minces butthurt about. Seriously--wasn't even thinking of him. I was actually thinking of an old love of mine, who, as far as I know has been roughly where I have in terms of enduring troubles and accomplishing life goals.
Anyway I recorded what snippets I had here on the Droid, so maybe next time I have my headphones and a pen I'll work on it some.
It's gonna start with:
Where have we gotten to with our lives?
In these last twenty-four years,
We must have been headed somewhere.
With something like thissy too:
It's hard to say where we lost our way
Since I'm not sure we ever really had one.
And end with something like:
Contentment aside--I just want
Something to hang on to,
Someone to hold close,
And somewhere to go.
It's a totally different kinda melancholy--can ya tell?? Last month was all spurned-and-hurty feeling and longing and wanting, but this poem expresses a sense of being lost, purposeless, even value-less.
I've said it before, though; Marcel makes anything more bearable. He's better than any boyfriend and doesn't care if I'm achieving life's every dream--though I imagine he'd be pleased if I were.
Ah, good friends are priceless. Anyway if anything more comes of this poem I'll post it over on the kitty blog. (EDIT: i meant "litty blog"; I'd change it but this does have a pic of Marcel so it's very kitty based :) 06/07)

Comments

Other things that might interest you...

This moment: A tattoo.

So I read Mrs. Dalloway in high school, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever read. One passage in particular, very early in the book, hit me hard with my first experience of the sublime, and stayed with me—and led at last to my first tattoo.
In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June.  (Emphasis added; full paragraph included below. From the full text of the novel as made available by the University of Adelaide.)

The paragraph this is from, the 4th paragraph of the novel, is the 1st passage with the stream of consciousness the book is famous for; although self-limited here, the flow is no less gorgeous. In the passage, Clarissa is walking on a street to get those famous flowers herse…

A Valentine's Special.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys who's never really been with someone around Valentine's. I am sometimes baffled how other people manage these things--and why I can't. To be fair, it's probably as much my not trying enough and trying too hard as it is anything pariticularly wrong with me. Like, I know I don't get myself out there enough to meet guys and when I do it's probably compensatory and usually flawed from the start.

The other question is--why does it matter so much to me? Evidently it seems like something I want but something I'm scared of, too. It may also be something I'm just not very good at. I'm secretly timid and fearful of most confrontation and directness. For all my communication skills, I always seem to chicken out when it comes to talking to guys in a healthy, sustaining way. I'm a dreamer who wants something nice badly enough to stick to something for the concept of having it more than the reality of dealing with it; I want to…

Rocky Horror - Better than Glee.

You know, I've routinely refused to watch Glee. Like whoa. I've seen bits, it's amusing, but not my thing. Plus how can I be a properly pretentions intellectual fag if I don't look down on & snub snobbily some ragingly popular thing?? It's just not proper decorum, really.

I'm also in a Rocky Horror Picture Show shadowcast (website in progress, but that's us :)). Naturally, they were all excited about that Glee episode when they first heard about it; I on the other hand gave a pained smile and said "Isn't that special. I'm still not watching it."

Part of me's pretty glad I didn't, frankly. (hah! get it? like Tim Curry.)