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Whoa, I'm alive.

It's, like, been a month or stuff, hasn't it? Things were middley for a bit but now the going's getting good.

I hardly understand where these funks of mine come from, but they can be f'ing sneaky. I think I was, as usual, feeling left out, unsatisfied, and stuck. That's pretty typical or me I guess.

Thing is that funkness isn't the whole reason I wasn't posting. Things got kinda hectic somehow. Like, I was doin' a lot of hardcore stuff at work and rushin' around, and what freetime was left was absorbed by the funk, Pokémon, and the odd proactive thing. Muchly weird.

But onto the gooder stuff!

So I finally got my resume together. Thank fucking Jesus. My sponse is looking it over but I feel it's overall so much better than my previous ones. It certainly helps that now I can say stuff like "totally rocks at American Eagle".

Last week Parker, Kial, and I all went to see Finding Nemo in Wheaton Plaza and then Lifeforce at the AFI Silver. Fuckin love that place, man. And love those movies! (Btw, it was kinda cute seeing Parker cry at Nemo and Kial claim she hated Lifeforce even though she'd been laughing at its goofiness as much as anyone else in the theater :P)

Incidentally I started taking fish oil supplements again; I always gave up on them in the past because of how loopy and extra spacey I always felt the first day on them. This time I've stuck with them longer, and frankly I'm blown away. I feel so much more up and ready and focused and motivated and stuff--and, mindblowingly enough, consistently so. Like even when I start to feel fatigued now, I'm still somewhat alert and functional. It's madness, and awesome. :-)

Big News: go to my litty blog to read all the fantastically awesome shit about the poetry I've been writing and my interest in & ambitions regarding reading at open mics. It's pretty intense, man; I'd started writing it here but I felt it was digressing, if interestingly, from whatever the rest of this post had been about. Plus I neglect the lit blog waaay worse than this one so it's about time I put something there. So go there now.

In sum: I'm really proud of myself and how I've been working on this recent poem; it makes me feel like such a grownup writer :)
Also: I don't just want to read my poetry; I want to enact each line with force & sincerity. And imagining myself doing so has helped immensely with how I approach my poetry.


Other things that might interest you...

This moment: A tattoo.

So I read Mrs. Dalloway in high school, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever read. One passage in particular, very early in the book, hit me hard with my first experience of the sublime, and stayed with me—and led at last to my first tattoo. In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June .  ( Emphasis added; full paragraph included below. From the full text of the novel as made available by the University of Adelaide. ) The paragraph this is from, the 4th paragraph of the novel, is the 1st passage with the stream of consciousness the book is famous for; although self-limited here, the flow is no less gorgeous. In the passage, Clarissa is walking on a street to get those famous fl

QP: Changes to come, I hope.

My grandmother passed away about 2 weeks ago. I hope to write about her more soon, but for this moment, I want to speak briefly about where I'm at overall: Her passing has led me to reevaluate aspects of my life because I'm realizing that the status quo amounts to just wasting my life away. (This is another "quick post," which means it's a short update that I likely didn't edit and revise quite as much as the more "thoughtful" pieces I aim for. I say this because I'm self-conscious and worry that you, my reader, will judge me!) I'm up in Boston and have today and tomorrow off, and I want to spend at least a portion of each day figuring out (some of) my life. I say this fully aware how often I've variously done so before: asserted a need for change, described how I was going to do it, made an attempt, then fallen off in the follow-through. I'm honestly not sure what to do about that, though. It frustrates me now just as much as eve

Sarracenia 'Ennui.'

I mentioned in a recent post  that even hybrids of the same species can demonstrate disparate variety. Which is the case with the other cultivar I discovered. Yes; there's another. I could go into how this variety among hybrids should surprise no one, but I'm not here to teach you genetics (poorly). No, I want to talk about my other big cultivar-related excitement: Sarracenia 'Ennui,' or so it's being called for now. I guess it's semiofficial now that I've "announced" it in a blog post. Welp. (My main hesitation in calling it this is that the name may already been claimed. But I think it's an  awesome  name for a plant and peculiarly kind of perfect for this one: It's got this muted glamour that feels not only somehow French but also weirdly existential...?) I found this beauty at Meadowview Biological Research Station . The other half of the main plant can still be found there, by the way, and that nursery has a gorgeous array of o