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Call me Asshole.

Or Moby Dick. Cuz I probably am one. I have been for a while if that's the case, but it wasn't until yesterday that I was actually called out on it in all seriousness. And although I probably deserved it--and do and plenty more occasions, too--I'm still struggling with it somehow.
Here's the context:
@palmerpink: I mean, I can't really blame @THEHermanCain for sexually assaulting Bialek--she *is* kinda a cougar afterall #badfag
@Dondurma: @palmerpink Maybe you think you're being hilarious. There is no question that you're an asshole, and an unfunny one at that.
@palmerpink: @Dondurma I wholeheartedly agree, actually.
Because why shouldn't I? As I said, I probably deserved this, but it also comes with the territory of being an asshole.
Of course, that somebody could actually not like me is disquieting. Part of me was bothered every bit as much as the rest of me laughed it off. That part of me wanted to reply additionally with arguments about how I could and would never condone sexual assault (who really could?) or that it's no good taking me seriously--basically trying to get her to think I may still be a good person.
But I didn't. I left my reply at that much. Partly because I knew it was if no use, really. There may have been more irresponsible responses ("whoa--well i'm sorrryyy you got so butthurt, lady....."), any attempt to change what she thought about me would only be an attempt to control what she is honking--something I for one am surely incapable of. However, any attempts, no matter how well intended, would not only be wasted & futile efforts but ultimately selfish: I wouldn't be arguing this to aid her understanding or further the issue but to make myself look good.
So instead I've chosen to embrace the assholery. If one is an asshole and behaves like an asshole and does asshole things, one must then also be prepared to be treated like an asshole. I am going to offend people so I need to own that: I need to apologize where possible/necessary, I need to accept responsibility when I should, and let go of the whatever else.
Frankly, though, everyone I've told this to has thought it was all quite hilarious. One person did say, though, that it was only funny because I was the one saying it. It may be because I'm a notorious asshole, or maybe I'm just good at making bad taste funny. Witty, I hope, at the least.


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