Skip to main content

How I roll.

So I had an interesting Valentines afterall. There was even a date in there, of sorts.

Such a romantic. Erm, literally?
Work was kinda ridiculous. Remember, I sell fragrance. Perfume. Evidently that's what people love getting eachother on Valentines because it was nutty Monday and insane yesterday. But I was dressed sharp and on the ball all day.

It was, I'll point out, a Tuesday. I recently stole my friend's idea decided to make Tuesdays "Bow Tie Tuesdays". Having recently taught myself to tie said ties, I was down for it. Of course, being a holiday, I had to dress up more than usual (which is kind of saying something), so out came the three piece suit and pocket watch and shoe polish.

It was, as was to be expected, busy. I made bank, dawg. I was everywhere and ringing everything--and, even with almost all my coworkers there at once, I still pulled in a sweet 4 grand or so, which means about $130 of comission. In one day.

That's a lot of bow ties.

I'd met a pretty cool guy on okcupid not so long ago; we'd had a lunch date and it went smashingly. He's a sweetie and a law student and has an encyclopedic knowledge of Calvin & Hobbes. That's kinda dope, yo.

So we inadvertently scheduled our second date for last night. I half remembered what day it was (no, really!?) and thought I'd be dorky. So I grabbed one the "Happy Valentines Day!" Hershey bars a fragrance vendor had been giving out and when I met up with my date, I presented Noah with some Valentines chocolate. Because a Hershey bar is so suavely romantic. XD

We were going to go to a cheap/awesome Thai place near my work but it was, well, Valentines. And, as we discovered, everyone and their mother/wife were going out to dinner. The place was packed. Really packed.

So we combined Part B of the night with an alternative to create a pretty rockin' Plan B for the evening. We went back to my place, ordered pizza, and queued up some Ally McBeal. I'd recently been craving revisiting that show and talked him into it fairly easily. So we made an Ally McBeal pizza party out of it. So romantic.

But that's just how I roll.

Oddly enough, yesterday did bring up some queasiness of the heart. I could tell my date, was feeling very snuggly--we snuggled all through Ally, afterall. I even got the feeling he wanted to kiss--especially as we said our goodbyes at the end of the night. But that's not what made my heart quease, not exactly anyway.

I don't really know what I want right now. It's confronted me a lot recently, and it's continued troubling my mind. Do I want someone to date, steadily or otherwise? Or do I want lots of sex? Or do I want both? Is it ok to make out and fool around with someone I definitely like while still unsure how I feel, generally and otherwise, for the sake of fooling around with someone? Is that fair?

I'm not sure. he's a cool guy, definitely. A bit neurotic but kinda adorably, and very sweet. Also, wonderfully smart. Cute, too. But did I want to give him a romantic Valentine's Day kiss? I'm not sure. We had a lovely evening, and had fun with Ally and pizza and Marcel. But afterwards, the same unanswered uneasiness surfaced. And I felt a bit bad that I'd held back--especially because I still wasn't sure why.

This is the other (other) side of how I roll: over-analytically. I coulda prolly gotten some play outta this guy if I were that type of person, but instead I'm evidently too ethical for that. Or too confused. I didn't let it ruin my evening, at least; I just hope he had a good time all the same, too.

So it looks like I've got some figuring out to do; or maybe just some loosening up. Either way, it was ultimately a great Valentine's Day. In fact, the best I can remember in a long while.


Other things that might interest you...

QP: Changes to come, I hope.

My grandmother passed away about 2 weeks ago. I hope to write about her more soon, but for this moment, I want to speak briefly about where I'm at overall: Her passing has led me to reevaluate aspects of my life because I'm realizing that the status quo amounts to just wasting my life away. (This is another "quick post," which means it's a short update that I likely didn't edit and revise quite as much as the more "thoughtful" pieces I aim for. I say this because I'm self-conscious and worry that you, my reader, will judge me!) I'm up in Boston and have today and tomorrow off, and I want to spend at least a portion of each day figuring out (some of) my life. I say this fully aware how often I've variously done so before: asserted a need for change, described how I was going to do it, made an attempt, then fallen off in the follow-through. I'm honestly not sure what to do about that, though. It frustrates me now just as much as eve

This moment: A tattoo.

So I read Mrs. Dalloway in high school, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever read. One passage in particular, very early in the book, hit me hard with my first experience of the sublime, and stayed with me—and led at last to my first tattoo. In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June .  ( Emphasis added; full paragraph included below. From the full text of the novel as made available by the University of Adelaide. ) The paragraph this is from, the 4th paragraph of the novel, is the 1st passage with the stream of consciousness the book is famous for; although self-limited here, the flow is no less gorgeous. In the passage, Clarissa is walking on a street to get those famous fl

QP: Writing and D&D.

When creating a new character's backstory, one often dashes up a little backstory. A few sentences, a paragraph, or maybe a bulleted list. I wrote a 9-page short story. Oops. It was fun at least! (This is another "quick post," which means it's a short update that didn't receive the kind of editing or revision that other, more thoughtful posts would get. Don't worry about it if you're looking for something deeper, but feel free to read on if you don't mind!🧡) I'm really proud of what I wrote for this character. I put a lot of thought into it, and it's gotten good feedback, too. That said, I'm mostly enamored of the pleasure in writing and crafting it. But—I'm also obviously eager for positive feedback; I crave that shit. Haha. I may even post it here on the blog or on the socials! It's got me wondering about getting into writing again. Maybe fiction isn't so impossible for me? Maybe a little diligence is all I need?