Skip to main content

Master of Chores.

So I've been trying to keep myself useful of late. The other day I started working with an ADD coach to get my shit together and start making & goals for myself and develop routines. Even before that, since moving in to the new place, I've been trying to keep busy with practical projects.

A lot of it was "unpack clothes" or "throw out junk" or "stow tubberware" and such. Most of that's done now, so I'm having to find other chores and motivate myself to do them. Tricky business cuz I'm a lazy ass by nature. I seem to live by "If I can avoid doing it, then it's not worth doing". I mean, it's not that explicitly expressed in my reasoning, but that's kind of what it boils down to.

So where my to-do list was all like "unpack office stuff for desk" or "put away clothes" now it's all "find driving school" or "pay for school", arguably more important tasks but also more nebulous and less immediate. I was tripping over the boxes of office stuff and hampers of clothes, so obviously they were always a fresh concern and kind of a nuisance. Paying for school? I mean, yeah, there's, like, a deadline for that thingy thing, but...I'm not literally tripping on it every minute.

So I'm trying to ramp up my accountability by emailing my ADD coach roughly daily with a progress report on my to-do list and thoughts about the success or trouble I'm finding in completing it. Of course, that itself is a task that might as well be on my to-do list, and be just as likely not to get finished, but it's better than nothing.

Because it's all about willfulness, as we'd call it in AA. Beside my inherent forgetfulness, there's a willful urging in me that's resisting certain tasks and chores and duties because they're less quietly indulgent and immediately gratifying than, say, video games or a nap or some masturbation.

So one thing I'm doing with my ADD coach is finding ways to make my chores also feel relevant and gratifying. So we're identifying what values they serve and why finishing them would be satisfying. Also, making a thing of checking my to-do list regularly to keep my tasks fresh in mind. Of course forgetting to check the list to keep from forgetting things is itself a risk here, but developing a habit of it could help.

All in all, I'm beginning to look more and more like an adult and it's terrifying. A sources of legitimate pride, too, I'm sure, but also scary. Because responsibility breeds like rabbits, and it's hard to keep up with it. But it does feel pretty good surveying everything you accomplished and knowing how much you achieved and how much less effort and bother it took than you expected. Cuz that's how it goes most of the time, at least for me; I worry about the tedium only to find out it's almost as mindlessly gratifying as if I'd gone and masturbated instead. Doing chores might not have the glow and high of a good cum about it, of course, but it's definitely got a long term utility that keeps on gratifying, if serendipitously and sometimes surprisingly, long after you've moved on.

Comments

Other things that might interest you...

This moment: A tattoo.

So I read Mrs. Dalloway in high school, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I'd ever read. One passage in particular, very early in the book, hit me hard with my first experience of the sublime, and stayed with me—and led at last to my first tattoo. In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June .  ( Emphasis added; full paragraph included below. From the full text of the novel as made available by the University of Adelaide. ) The paragraph this is from, the 4th paragraph of the novel, is the 1st passage with the stream of consciousness the book is famous for; although self-limited here, the flow is no less gorgeous. In the passage, Clarissa is walking on a street to get those famous fl

Rocky Horror - Better than Glee.

You know, I've routinely refused to watch Glee. Like whoa. I've seen bits, it's amusing, but not my thing. Plus how can I be a properly pretentions intellectual fag if I don't look down on & snub snobbily some ragingly popular thing?? It's just not proper decorum, really. I'm also in a Rocky Horror Picture Show shadowcast (website in progress, but that's us :)). Naturally, they were all excited about that Glee episode when they first heard about it; I on the other hand gave a pained smile and said "Isn't that special. I'm still not watching it." Part of me's pretty glad I didn't, frankly. (hah! get it? like Tim Curry.)

A Valentine's Special.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys who's never really been with someone around Valentine's. I am sometimes baffled how other people manage these things--and why I can't. To be fair, it's probably as much my not trying enough and trying too hard as it is anything pariticularly wrong with me. Like, I know I don't get myself out there enough to meet guys and when I do it's probably compensatory and usually flawed from the start. The other question is--why does it matter so much to me? Evidently it seems like something I want but something I'm scared of, too. It may also be something I'm just not very good at. I'm secretly timid and fearful of most confrontation and directness. For all my communication skills, I always seem to chicken out when it comes to talking to guys in a healthy, sustaining way. I'm a dreamer who wants something nice badly enough to stick to something for the concept of having it more than the reality of dealing with it; I want t